First off...I LOVE "UMBRELLA".
This is summer...whooooopeee. I was scared when last semester ended that I would be bored out of my mind with a lack of things to do. Working at the restaurant has kept me pretty preoccupied during most of the week and then hanging out with Chris on Monday and Tuesday has pretty much taken up the rest of my time. It's not bad though...I enjoy keeping myself busy and productive. However, between Chris and B. Moon I found myself having nothing to do on Thursdays...so since I won't allow myself a day to not do something, I have picked up two side projects (since the Packet refused to give my talented ass an internship). Firstly, while working a month ago, Brian's parents came in and were asking me about my plans over the summer. After shamefully revealing that the majority of my summer will be spent serving salads and racks of lamb to rich people, I cried over not getting the summer internship. Brian's dad then gave me his card and told me to e-mail him sometime. So I did, and now I'm working on a hefty article detailing the Verizon vs. Comcast battle for Internet/Cable/Telephone supremacy that is going on in central Jersey. It's going to be published in U.S.1 and the deadline is like the last week of July. It's exciting to actually be working on a lengthy article that isn't just for a class. There is also a rumor of getting paid which I have caught wind of...which I am totally all about. But anyway, I've been spending most of my free time working on the article and then writing record reviews for this music webzine (Hybrid Magazine)
. I sent them some of my stuff a month ago and then was approved to write for them. Sweeeet. I wrote a review of the Amy Winehouse cd and the new Straylight Run record, and then like a delicious present from musical heaven, they sent me four fucking FREE discs in the mail. Along with the Feist cd I already have, I am responsible for writing about the new Maroon 5 cd and three discs from bands I've never heard of: Amandine, Verona Grove & the Mercies. It's a lot of work when combined with my story for U.S.1...but I am really excited to do it for both the additional experience that this gives me and the bulking up that this will do to my resume/portfolio.
However, I am a little disappointed that I don't have ample free time this summer, mainly because I have only got a fraction of what I have wanted to read during these four months. I finished "Lockpick Pornography" that Kevin lent me, and I am currently halfway through this book about cadavers called "Stiff". People without fail raise their eyebrows to me when I show them the cover with a dead body's feet sticking out from under a blanket with a name tag on the big toe that says the title, but it is actually a very interesting (and respectively humurous) book. After I'm finished I want to get cracking on these three David Sedaris books that I just bought. I have heard so many great things about this guy that I am very excited to dive into his work.
Well...that's all I care to write about now...I really need to get working some more on this article and then review these mountains of cds.
Idol is over. Jordin won. I'm indifferent.
So this semester was long. Microeconomics & Statistics kept me pretty busy learning things I really care NOTHING about. Writer's workshop gave me a boost of confidence in my writing. Intense? Oh yes. But also completely worth it. I found something that I can aim my free time to working on...making a solid collection of poems. I just hope that one day I can get it off the ground and get it published. I guess it's a dream of mine to get something I wrote turned into a book, but that seems like just a superficial way of making myself feel validated as a productive human being. I also took a Lit class this semester that I don't feel like talking about. I got the same grades I got last semester (A, A-, B+, B) and I am pleased considering I got like a four on my statistics final.
so yeah, semester went by ok. Something has been up with me the past few months...anxiety is reaching some sort of new high for me (and I am totally aware how self-pitying that sounds)...problems with my car (and my lack of any real desire to fix them) has been at the head of it all...tied in with the ever constant worrying over money plus small problems with friends and Chris...same old problems...nothing different than before, only now I feel like a child for trying to avoid problems that really aren't that big of a deal. I build these things up in my head and basically scare myself into not wanting to deal with them at all.
Right now, it's 2 in the morning. I feel like writing, but am kinda dry of ideas at the moment. I didn't win the Peter Wood award I entered for...I didn't think I would, but I'll just try next year when I'm a senior. I have some great lines running through my head but no real basis for them to exist in. I want to just get my stuff out there but have quite literally NO real understanding of how to get something legitimately published, I feel kinda lost in it all.
I didn't get the internship at the Princeton Packet that I wanted...kinda bummed for awhile and driven to do a lot of extra indepedent projects over the summer to compensate. PopMatters.com is something I'm looking at and I am currently looking to apply as a music critic for them. Craig's List is leaving me high and dry for other things to get involved with and its becoming more and more apparent to me that the job market is more competitive than I ever imagined.
So therefor...no internship=another summer spent at the restaurant...which may sound initially quite nauseating, is actually quite fine with me. It pays the bills (and then some) and provides me with tons of free eats which then equates to less money having to be spent on groceries. I've really gotten comfortable with it (I better be after 5 fucking years) and for once I have really felt respected there. I enjoy waiting tables...does that make me strange?
And while I am reasonably content with spending my summer in the air conditioned bliss of the B. Moon, I have to admit that I am still looking for something more. It just seems like a kind of empty summer. When people are on vacations or going to parties or doing this/that/everything between...I will be working, and then sleeping. As mentioned before...no problem with working, but I feel that I am missing so much because of it. Not like specific dates or things, but just missing out on potential experiences. Only another year and I will be out of school and into (holy fucking balls) the real world. I must admit that I am intimidated. It's like...we're programmed to know school and only school for 13 straight years...and then another 4 with college...and graduation comes and bam motherfucker...you're out in the world and you better know how to handle insurance and bills and loans and rents and every other responsibility that fails to be explained or warned of in all our collegiate classes.
Oh boo-hoo...I'm a whiney bitch. Things work out as everyone says and I should know by now that I let my pessimistic outlook on things often times cloud my vision. But even with that in mind, I can't help but think that there is something that just isn't right. And what scares me even more than trying to figure out what that thing is...is that I might know what it is, and am just too scared to face it. Sorry my dear LiveJournal...I too thought the overly reflective entries (reminiscent of overly dramatic high school drama) were over. Guess I was wrong.
I need to get drunk more...who's with me?